You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
