So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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