Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
