Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize