you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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