She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
