Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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