I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
