Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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