She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
