Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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