Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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