So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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