Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
