You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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