i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
