Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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