so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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