Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
