Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
