Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
