if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
