we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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