She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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