I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
