But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
