Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she told me i tasted like america
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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