So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
