oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are we still banned from the library?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
