So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
