Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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