In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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