you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize