a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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