i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
