My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize