Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
