can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
