I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
