I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There r osticjed everywhere
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
