i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They have beer where we have blood.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
