Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I deserve this hangover.
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