I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
