We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
