I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
