By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
