My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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