after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
