But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
