i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
