I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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