we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
