"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I faked an abortion last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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