Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
