can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
