I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
