Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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