She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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