You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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