is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
