I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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