I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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