dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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