I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
